Your body and soul

I caught you in that very little moment taking glance on me, and that was the day I’ve realized that there’s something wrong; feeling that there’s something wrong doing the right thing. You grasped my hands as I looked in your eyes telling that you’re a part of macrocosm that collided me into you, where we considered ourselves as a perfect two. We were both laughing on the same situations and jokes we uttered while we were lying at the bay, but I know that this pain cannot be mended even if we laugh thousand times on that day—the agony and frustration that this might end.

I can’t even tell myself how happy I am while you were here with me; how you moved together with the dancing trees, the way you smiled at me and telling me that this moment is priceless—realizing that this was just a story covered by hifalutin formulas and sugar-coated metaphors. It happened aesthetically but honestly, being here was just too painful.

I remember when I asked if you love him, you didn’t just say yes but the feeling I felt was more than all the affirmation that I needed to hear; asking this cracked me inside but to tell you, being with you is more than enough than nothing—seeing you as one of my reasons for living is painfully beautiful; I love you, but I can’t.

We separated our ways, detached the strings that connected us and neglected all the possibilities that maybe one day, this can be. But no one stays the same; we broke our promises and nothing remained.

That journey where we used to find ourselves was the same path we crossed—a narrow road where me met each other again together with all the anguish and heavy loads we had while we’re struggling on our paths going back home.

I had this girl now named Prerna

. I loved her realizing that maybe, she’s the girl that I need; she bring out all of the best in me and helped me out to recreate and repaint all the dimmed corners of my room. She puts me in a pedestal where I could say that I’m at my brightest regardless of all these damages and scars; she’s there when no one else was. I fought all the battles where I am in before; she’s my weapon and shield on windy days and stormy nights; she held my hands when I already lost all of my reasons to fight—very tight. She’s there, when I lost my paper and pen. She’s there when I lost my words; served as my metaphor and wordplay when my life and will to continue can’t took its rhyme—she’s always there.

I know that it tore you apart that very moment, and it breaks me also; cuts too deep knowing that if we get all the courage to take risks before, maybe, and I’m pretty sure, we’re into each other now; happy and inseparable.

Girl, I really love her now. But please do remember that I had loved you before, more than the way I could, but I can’t anymore.

You will always be my favorite bittersweet memory; I still love you until this very last time, my diary

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