The lost

“Seriously then, is there anything you like about me at all? How is this, us, supposed to ever work if you dislike the fundamental concept of me?” you said half yelling, half-anxious and I was perplexed. Your voice echoed through the empty, very hollow parking lot clear as a cloudless sky.

“What could possibly make you think that I don’t like anything about you? Why else would we even be dating right now?” I put out there sternly.

“Okay then, tell me what is it that makes you stick around?” you ask a little too serious for my liking.

I pause and every moment that had led up to this day runs through my mind. I remember how four months ago it seemed like my life was going nowhere. I was confused, terrified and didn’t know what was coming for me. If I was honest, I was still as dazed and confused, but it always felt like it would be okay since you were around to remind me that you’re there, every step of the way.

There was nothing magical about how we met, we were just two people in a room, ordinary at the best but extraordinary together. That’s not an exaggeration because someone who understands your mind when anyone else couldn’t all these years is a gift. When someone reciprocates everything you never knew you needed, that’s the real deal and it was staring at me in the eye, in a parking lot.
I suppose there never will be a simple answer to a question as wide as why it was that I adored this person. It’s the little things like how you make me feel beautiful on a day when I’m in my sweatpants and my hair is messy. Most people recognize their significant others in heartbeats, but you would know that I was about to walk into a room from my footsteps and would smile the widest smile I’d waltz in there. It’s easy to be happy but to see that in someone’s eyes just because you exist is breathtaking. It’s how you made room for my best friend and wanted her approval because she matters the most to me in the world.

It’s odd how we never looked at each other the way we do now much earlier. Maybe we had to simmer down, be our own people and be ready to commit. Maybe I had to go through everything I had to so I could meet you mid way through your grief and the rest was history. Maybe it’s how when you’re drunk and around everyone who amazes you but you’d still call from a washroom to because you hadn’t heard my voice all day. Maybe we had to look for each other in other people so that when we’d found each other, there wasn’t a doubt that the search was over. It’s how when our clothes are off, you’d still want to look into eyes instead of the rest of my body which was yours to revel in anyway and that look would tell me how screwed I was. Its how we get vulnerable without the need for midnight to pass because we are each other’s 2 AMs.

Its how my mother thinks you’re pretty great though she’s only met you once. She’s always had a sixth sense with most of my friends. It’s how you talk about how much you love your family. It’s how you’d take broccoli in your pizza and how my playlist now has your songs. It’s how when we kiss, we never get enough of each other and you put your forehead against mine after and try to remember that moment even though it had just happened. It’s how you put your arm around my shoulders and run your thumb in circles around my palms when I’m nervous and drive me home right till my doorstep when I’m drunk.

“There was this one day and the whole week I’d been off. I was smiling all day and through conversations and this was much earlier before you knew me for who I am. And you made sure to text me and ask the words “Are you Okay?” and I lied that I was fine and you said you wanted to check up on me. I knew then that you’re the kind that likes to take care of people and while we can’t possibly like everything about each other, you’ve always made sure that I felt wanted and I fit right into your life and well, that’s the only fundamental concept that I needed to like you. I respect you and I want you and I’m not scared to say that out loud. So we’ll have a few bumps in the road but I want to do everything to make this work” I say looking you in the eye.

“Are you still going to be driving today?” you said that annoyed face turning into a smug smile.

“Are you going to be complaining about how I drive?” I retorted.

“Well, duh”.

“Okay then, you might be doing that a lot because I plan on sticking around for a while”, I said without a doubt.

“Oh, you’d better” you said the mirth swirling in your brown eyes as we finally left the place.

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