‘Life is not a bed of roses’ a quote for others and a feeling for me. U read it right. A feeling which reminds me of my worth A feeling which reminds me how I dealt with thorns just to smell it’s fragrance.
I have been an annoying kid. And still dealing with it. I have a young sister with whom am always compared. Just to realise how stupid i am.
I still remember when my mom said, " I want my daughter to be published in newspapers and win many competitions". Then she gave a look at me and said, “Am talking to your sister, not you”. I was of 7yrs and I still remember this sentence, word to word.
So, I started dwelling in my father’s arms. Where he found me as a burden after sometime. Where I craved for love, I found myself alone. My loneliness killed my superiority. It became a habit for me to hear words like, “u can’t even do a simple task, u are of no use, go away”.
I still have tears while writing this.
Later, mom dad moved out for business purpose. Me and my sister stayed with grandparents. I missed then insanely. And had no one to share with.
I missed the feeling of running out from school and sitting in my mom’s lap and bark out how my whole day went. I missed the feeling of running to my father’s arms and he would lift me and played.
Just to overcome this feeling, I started sharing my whole day experience with my sister. She heard me for some days. And later she felt irritated and shouted on me to stop my lecture. Am not blaming her for this. It’s her busy schedule which I disturbed.
A ray of hope to pour my heart out, left me with pieces and no one gave a damn for what’s running inside me. Because I didn’t made any efforts to share it with someone. Maybe I had none to share with.
Years passed and I was habituated to my daily life. Now, my silence disturbed my grandparents. And they want me to speak coz they were worried about what’s going on in me.
So I started speaking like nothing happened. I learned how to wear a fake smile and rule the world.
The hurricane inside me accompanied my nights with tears. When I was bored of crying, i started writing. It made my pain turn to achievement. I came out getting published in books.
Inorder to keep my inner self busy,
I started competing in college programs and came out with flying colours.
I started writing and got chances to publish.
Funny that people say, “I hope I have got a life like you”. Where I just smile and walk off. But they need to know that, u don’t need my life to live happily. You just need to learn dealing with yourself and a faking a smile and sail the world. And if u say it’s tough. Then I would ask, tell me what’s easy ?
Finally, I just want to say. Mumma, I hope you’re reading this. I just want to say, I did what you aspired. Maybe not from me. But I fulfilled your wish being a daughter.